Here is one of the lost arts: communication. Have you noticed that people do not communicate? We text, we will use FaceBook and Tweet on Twitter, but we fail to make people understand what it is that we are saying. We do not think about how the wording conveys specific emotion and how those emotions can affect our relationships.
Relationships are not just with our good friends and families; They are about the interaction with every person, for every reason. You have an instant relationship with the checkout person, when they ask how you are doing, they are making more than small talk. The checkout person is trying to show that you are important to their business. I often tell the checkout person that rather than ask how I am doing; they should simply say It was nice of you to shop our store, what brought you here, or did you find everything you were looking for? This creates a more meaningful dialogue and if a person is having a bad day they don't have to pretend they are happy when they are not, or provide a flippant remark as I often do.
Let's talk about friendship. What do you think constitutes a friendship? What do you give and what do you expect to get? Me, I think friendship is honest dialogue and occasional check ins. What I often see is one person doing the check ins and the other needing support, but not reciprocating. If someone offers you a great deal and you accept, a friend would follow through an acquaintance forgets.
This is where Facebook makes people into emotional blobs of nothing. I am sure you all have those who type how miserable their day is and you always respond with happy and lighthearted thoughts, (lets call these FB hugs) and the day you need some of those FB hugs, not one person responds, that is a sure way to know they are not your friends, but sponges. Yes, FB is full of sponges. They drain you of your happiness and expect you to cheer theirs. Yet, you will never say a single thing about this because you know it is just not worth it. I think Facebook has one purpose to make the prom kings and queens remain prom kings and queens. I tend to ignore most people on Facebook, but I will try and give support once in awhile. After all it never hurts me to be kind and since I never expect it back, I neither become happy nor sad if someone does or does not post.
However, What really gets me is my business contacts. It seems like people do not offer the same care and respect with these relationships as they should and thereby burn some very important bridges. What happens when you get upset at a company you tell 10, 20, 30 of your "friends" and spam FB for a larger number, but when you do something kind and try and be helpful you might get one positive comment out there. This is also shows a lack of solid communication. I am sure your friends would love to know where you had a great experience.
If we all learn to focus on positive communication think of how much more you can get. I mean that. When people are nice I tend to give them many more services at either free or very reduced rates, but when people are less than authentic I will nicely remove them from my list. The reason is I don't need bad communication. I want someone who may ask me to redo something 20 times to get it perfect than just say yes, that is fine even if they hate it because they are afraid of hurting my feelings. I have no feelings when it comes to websites. The websites are not upset they don't care what they look like, but as an artist I care about how the website reflects on my clients. I prefer communication at all hours of the day and night than to leave something in a state of disquiet.
So, in short if you want something you better damn well communicate what you want. If you ask how someone is doing be prepared to hear they are having a shitty day and if you work with a firm for any reason be sure you are clear in your expectations, as you may just loose out on the best deal you could have gotten.
Think about what you want to say in an e-mail and write it and re-write it. Read it aloud, once twice and three times make changes and more changes and then and only then click the send button it may just be the best decision you ever made in communicating your real thoughts!
